Does every empty-nest mother have this hollow feeling as she crawls into bed each night? Does she mentally think of each daughter or son? Names them one by one as she lifts them up to God, wondering what they are doing at that very moment? Are they safe? Are they well? Are they happy?
Is this worry? I tell myself it is not. It is just an evening prayer for my girls, but buried in that prayer is a heaviness that feels a lot like worry. And the sadness — what is that? They ARE well and safe and for the most part, happy. Is it loneliness? For such a long time, I had these girls in my life every day. Is the sadness for me? I’m not sure I know. This is something I’m still working out; something new in my life that I haven’t figured out.
I always try to relinquish these feelings as I crawl between the sheets at bedtime. I don’t need to stay up and worry pray. God is awake and He is keeping watch. I hold that promise close to my heart as I fall asleep — sometimes with tears in my ears.
“Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children…” Lamentations 2:19