I Tend To Hug The Wall

You don’t have to search long to find a discussion about the differences between introverts and extroverts.  It’s a popular theme of many blog posts and articles.  Even Facebook has joined the debate, and you can play a short game to know definitively whether you like to be with people or not.  Like we need an online social media site to tell us that.  But it’s fun to see the differences and point out those people in our life.  But a lot of us have decided, by now, we’re ambiverts anyway.

But whether I get my energy from being with people or from being alone, that’s not the core issue when I’m in a group setting.  My problem is I just don’t have great social skills.  I tend to hug the wall.  Waiting.

How about you?  Do you ever walk into a room full of people, take one look, and just want to turn around and walk right back out again?  I do.

In John Gray’s popular book, Men are From Mars Women are From Venus, he says a woman can walk into a roomful of 500 people, and feel completely alone.  She will feel isolated until she finds a kindred spirit.  She needs one woman out of that sea of 500 to be her friend and make her feel like she belongs.  It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t know the other 499.  She belongs because of the one.

I also read something recently that challenged my etiquette in social settings.  The article gave two possible thoughts we might be thinking as we walk into a roomful of people.

Here I am.


There you are!

What a difference in those 6 little words!  One phrase tends to be all about me.  Here I am says Do you see me?  Can you come talk to me?  I’ll just wait here until you do.

However, the other phrase is about the people in the room.  There you are says I’ve been looking for you.  I want to see you.  You are important to me.

Can you look at those two phrases and identify with one of them?  I can.  And it hurts.  Ouch.

So I’m working on some social skills.  Working on being brave.  Looking for the one out of the 500, and not waiting for her to find me.

I want to spend a bit more time on that whole “bravery” thing,  but I’ll save those words for tomorrow’s post.

If you missed yesterday’s post, you can find it here (Her Head Knows But Her Heart).

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