I watched Shadowlands this past weekend — part of the story of C. S. Lewis. I actually didn’t know what I was signing up for when I rented the movie, but recently I had watched Anthony Hopkins in another movie, The Father (also an ambush), and was intrigued by this actor.

Shadowlands was such a good movie, but also very hard to watch.

I was wrecked by the end.

But this quote, “The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal” has been running through my head all weekend. And I find it humbling as well as comforting.

I have been so blessed in this life. I was loved for almost 50 years by an incredible, amazing, strong man.

And I still have a good good life. I am blessed.

For over a week now, the song, Goodness of God, has been in my head when I wake up. And if you’re still reading, don’t get me wrong…. it’s been almost 8 months since he’s been gone, and I haven’t been able to hear or sing this song all the time. God and I have been on a journey… and we’ve come to an understanding, of sorts. I actually walked out of church early just two weeks ago because this was the last worship song, and I just couldn’t bear to sing it without crying. And I’m okay with that. God is too. Maybe next time, I’ll stay until the end. #grace

Even so… Yes, I have seen the goodness of God.

Here are the lyrics. I hope they bless you as well..

I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never failed me
All my days, I've been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
And in darkest night You are close like no other
I've known You as a Father
I've known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah!

And all my life You have been faithful, oh
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God, yeah!

'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me, oh-oh
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
Your goodness is running after, it's running after me
With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now
I give You everything
'Cause Your goodness is running after, it keeps running after me

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna sing
'Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God
Oh, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God

And note to self: know the premise of the movie before renting.