There Is No Gravity In My House

God is good. All the time.

All the time. God is good.

Yes. I believe that.

And still…

There is no gravity in my house.

Ten months. And counting…

When should I go to bed?

What time should I get up?

When am I suppose to eat?

Or NOT eat?

What am I suppose to eat?

Should I go grocery shopping?

Yes. I should. But…

What do I buy?

What do I like?

Does my stove still work?

It use to all make sense.

There was a rhythm.

God has a plan for me.

He created me for a purpose.

I’m still here.

Yes. I know. Oh I know.

I’m productive. I get a lot done.

I’m all about the doing.

I’m just going through the motions.


At least on some days I pretend.

Other days I just don’t get dressed.

I hate that.

I want my life back.

I lost my heart.

You too? I know.

There are a lot of us.

So many people grieving.

I’m sorry for your loss.

God is my refuge.

God is my strength.

Yes. I have a good life.

I have many things to be thankful for.

I could list 10 right here right now. 20 even.

I know it. I know it.

And still…

Ten months and counting…

All this “being okay.”

I’m not okay. And yet I am okay.

Do you need me be to be okay?

I can be okay.

I’m fine. I’m good.

I just don’t want to do this.

Again. With the Guilt.

It takes so much energy every day.

Depression, she says.

Expected. “Normal.”

What’s normal anymore?

Everything has changed.

I wish I could just wake up.

Worst dream ever.

Like outer space in The Twilight zone.


God is my comfort.

God loves me.

He wants the best for me.

Yes he does.

I couldn’t do this without Him.

I know it.

And still…

Ten months and counting… and counting.

2 thoughts on “There Is No Gravity In My House

  1. Connie, your words make my heart cry. They speak to me of things that are unimaginable. I am so blessed..Larry and I have had 57 years together. And I think of the times I take him so for granted. We know that one of us will soon be alone but we don’t dwell on it. But to have lost him like you lost Jon … way too soon.
    I pray that life will get a little easier each day but I think the heartache will never go away. Blessings to you sweet lady.

    1. Thank you for responding. Hearing thoughts from others is always helpful and encouraging. Yes, I agree…. I have good life. I really do. But I think it will always be “laced with sadness.”

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