Are You Really Asking?

I get asked this question a lot….

How are you doing?

I usually avoid the question by just repeating the question back – “How are YOU?” Because it’s really just a salutation, right? Like “Hey!” or “There you are!” Most of the time it’s not really THE question, ‘How are you?” And when it is, I’m not ready to be fully vulnerable in a “salutation” response. I need a little time with you. I need to know if you are really asking THAT question or if you’re just saying “Hi.” We need to get the small talk out of the way first. I need to know if I can trust you with my complicated answer.

But recently someone persisted and asked again. And then again. So here’s basically the answer I gave (in long form)…

“That’s a really complicated question and not easy to answer. Every day is still different. I’m doing ok. I’m moving forward. I’m making plans. But I miss Jon every day. Every. single. day.

June was brutal… just too many “dates” to get through. I’m alone a lot. Our world is designed for couples — so I’m figuring all that out. My heart is still fragile and I cry easily, but the tears don’t last all day. They come and go and I move forward in my day.

God is working and putting new things into place.

I’m “collecting” widows in this new life of mine. That’s been a surprise, but I am SO thankful for these women. I also have a couple of new friends who are grieving the loss of a child. We seem drawn to each other. I value these new friendships, and am aware that they would probably never have been if not for… #beautyfromashes

I’m speaking at a conference in October about grief. Yeh. Whew. Would appreciate prayers about that decision. Once I surrendered to that conference and the timing (the anniversary of his death), God put a trip to Italy in place. Goodness that wasn’t on my radar. Yeh, there’s all that.

So yes, I’m doing okay. Some days I’m doing better than okay. Some days are still just plain hard.

And I think answering, “I’m okay” seems too simple and doesn’t honor the loss. (Does that even make sense? Grief is not sane. It doesn’t make sense at all.) I’m sure some day when I’m casually asked, “how are you?” I’ll be able to respond, without too much thought or pain, “I’m okay, how about you?”

That was probably way more info than you wanted, but I warned you… it’s not an easy question to answer.

I fully trust God and I’m taking one day at time as he leads, but I also fully miss my husband in my life. Every single day.”

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